Teeter ... Totter

Have any of you ever gone from being childless to suddenly parenting a teenager? After much waffling over the past two years, Steve's oldest son, Joey, has decided to live with us. This is both exciting and terrifying ... but mostly terrifying considering that my experience with teenage boys is limited to remembering what my younger brother was like at that age and the few weeks we've had with the boys during their past two summer visits.

Joey has been considering this move for awhile. At first, his intent was to escape school-induced persecution. He had a tough sixth-grade year, particularly in math. I'm not exactly sure what the problem was: the subject matter itself (which, come on, it's math ... who likes math?), pubescent pre-teen hormones that found girls much more interesting than pre-algebra, or that his math teacher was a woman (Joey's respect level for female authority figures leaves much to be desired, but this will change). Whatever the case, his grades were poor and he stood a good chance of having to repeat sixth grade.

Knowing this, Joey's plan was to move to West Virginia if he got held back. The problem? Well first, he didn't discuss this with his mother or father. Secondly, his idea was missing a key element. If he moved, he would face none of the embarrassment or challenge of failing. Now, while I don't support forcing a child to endure undue punishment or ridicule, in this case failing a grade was the direct result of Joey's own actions -- or more appropriately, his inaction. There are consequences in life, and the sooner children learn this important lesson, the better.

Joey spent the summer at our house scared to death that he would be held back. Fortunately, he wasn't, and I think the weeks and weeks of worry were punishment enough on the poor kid.

But there were still some issues that needed resolved. Joey's seventh-grade year didn't start well. His behavior was horrible, and he still struggled in his math class. In fact, he wasn't turning in homework assignments. The good part was that his mother and Steve were able to work together to get him back on track. His teachers began sending e-mail updates on his behavior and academic progress to both parents. Joey's mom and Steve spoke regularly on the phone, and when Joey misbehaved, he had to answer to both of them. It turns out that he was intentionally trying to get in trouble in hopes that his mom would simply give up in frustration and ship him back across the country to us. But his mother and Steve agreed: if he wanted to live with his dad, that could be addressed, but acting like a juvenile delinquent was not going to produce the results Joey wanted.

And so Joey's behavior and schoolwork improved. He spent another summer with us and returned to Arizona to begin his freshman year of high school. Thankfully, he loves high school. Not so much the studies, but the socialization and the girls. But whatever, as long as he's interested in going to school, we'll take it and pray that he learns something useful along the way.

Joey spent Christmas here in West Virginia. It was at that time he and Steve began seriously discussing the possibility of him moving here permanently. At first, Joey was all about it. But his enthusiasm began to wane when he considered leaving his friends and a school he actually liked. You see, Joey has moved around -- a lot. As in, he's attended at least six different schools in his lifetime. I don't know the full story, and I'm in no position to judge, so we'll leave it at that. Understandably, he was apprehensive about starting all over again. He went back to Arizona unsure about what he wanted, but promising his dad that he would seriously think about it.

Steve was pretty much heartbroken. He's wanted to be a "real" dad to his boys for so long ... but life and the physical distance between them makes it really difficult. I have to give him credit, though -- he expressed his desire for Joey to live here, explained the benefits, and let Joey decide for himself. No pressure, despite wanting it so badly.

That's where things stood until the middle of April. Out of the blue, Steve gets a text message from Joey saying he wanted to move here and was going to talk to his mom about it. Later that evening, his mom called and spoke to Steve and viola! Everything was worked out and Joey would be moving in.

It really did happen that quickly. Steve is ecstastic. I'm happy about it, because I think we can give him the life he hasn't had. I'm also nervous, because neither of us has ever been a full-time, hands-on parent. It will be a challenge for us. It will also be a challenge for Joey. I'm a no-bullcrap kind of girl. I have high expectations. I'm picky about my house. I absolutely won't tolerate disrespect toward women (though that's becoming less of a problem). Fortunately, Joey knows this because he's spent time with us. We've butted heads in the past, but we get along. And I really do love the kid -- you can't help but love him.

So we'll see how this goes. I've got 11 weeks to prepare myself. Lord have mercy.