Pawns.

The shine on my resolve to be a good stepmother suffered a scratch this weekend. But to my credit, it actually had nothing to do with Liam.

I won't lie and say that I don't care that the boy is still in his pajamas when I get home from work at 4:45 p.m., or that he has done nothing but play video games, watch TV and eat junk all day. It's not the healthiest way for a child to spend the summer. It bothers me, because I feel he could be doing much more productive things with his time, and allowing this behavior does nothing to teach him responsibility. His mom has a lot of trouble getting him to help with chores and letting him off the hook at our house doesn't help her cause.

I haven't said anything about his room being messy, and I haven't demanded that he do chores. I've asked him to do little things, like take such-and-such out the garage, for example. But that's as far as it's gone. Messy rooms aggravate me, yes, but I've learned that it's often much easier to shut the door than it is to continually harp about it. Besides, his room is still so full of Steve's junk that the kid doesn't have much room for his stuff, anyway, so it's rather unfair to get upset about it.

But there ARE things that Liam could do around the house to make things easier for the family, and to give him something to do. Simple things like loading and unloading the dishwasher, making sure the bathroom is picked up, etc.

Apparently, I am a VERY BAD PERSON for thinking this way. I mentioned my ideas to Steve Saturday morning and was immediately met with hostility because "your brother doesn't do anything."

(My brother lives with us while he attends college. Steve has paid some of his tuition bills, and this has become a HUGE source of contention. But that's a rant for another day.)

It pissed me off. A lot. For one thing, my brother is in school. He attends class, does his homework, and is making good grades. He also showers and gets dressed every day and, in general, pretty much keeps to himself. Could he help out more around the house? Absolutely.

But this discussion wasn't about him. It was about Liam. And Steve immediately wanted to turn it into a "mine against yours" argument. And when you're playing with imperfect pieces, no one wins the game. Gah.

I've more than once been accused of being spoiled and controlling. I wouldn't go that far, but I concede that I like having things my way, and to being unhappy until they are. It's not a trait I'm proud of. On the other hand, I am proud that I am able to stick up for myself. It's taken me nearly 30 years to learn how to not be a pushover, and damn it, nobody's going to turn me into one now.

And so we fought. Steve actually yelled and cursed at me over the phone while Liam was sitting next to him, which was not entirely helpful. I think my problem is that when the boys are here I struggle with figuring out exactly where I fit. No one recognizes me in a "mother" role.

Don't get me wrong -- I'm definitely not trying to be or replace their mothers. But when I disapprove of how they behave, the language they use, or how they spend their time, it's as if my opinion doesn't count. Steve is so concerned with being their buddy that he forgets that he needs to be their dad. His only goal is for them to have enough fun every summer that they want to come back. I want them to have fun, too, but we can't ignore reality. They're still kids, and they need guidance just as much as they need fun. My dilemma is figuring out how to make sure they get enough of both.

Or is it my dilemma? Should I even care? I keep thinking that it would be so easy to give up and quit giving a fuck about anything they do. SO. EASY. But it's my house, too, and my life they're interfering with. Let me say it again: IT'S MY HOUSE, TOO, and I should have some say over how the children in it are to behave, regardless of whether I gave birth to them.

I really wanted to not fight about the kids this summer. I was trying really hard, and I'll continue to do so. But damn, does it ever get any easier? How long to I have to be the bad guy?