Reaching Out

One of the oddest things about Joey coming to live with us is that I've never met his mother. In fact, I haven't had any type of contact with her in the four years I've been with Steve. No phone conversations, no e-mails, no letter -- nothing. In fact, if I were to pass her on a sidewalk I wouldn't know, because I don't even know what she looks like.

This isn't because there's hostility between us. Actually, Joey's mom is easier to deal with than Liam and Aiden's mother (Much, much easier, but we'll talk about that some other time). We just respect each other's space. Susan (again, name changed to protect privacy) lives in Phoenix and rarely contacts Steve unless there's an issue involving Joey to discuss. Steve and Joey talk or text each other nearly every day, but Susan doesn't interfere at all. It's as close to an ideal ex-spouse situation as it can get, and it has worked well for all of us.

Susan has another child, a son the same age as Liam. I don't know the specifics, nor is it any of my business, but she was married to his father but they've been divorced for awhile. She's since gotten re-married to a man who has a couple children of his own (they live with their mother). I don't know much about him, but Steve has met him several times and thinks he's an okay dude.

Man, we're just all over the place with the blended family stuff, aren't we?

I think Susan is making an incredible sacrifice by allowing Joey to move across the country to be with his father. It's not like he's just moving to a nearby town or the next neighborhood over -- it's hundreds of miles. I can't image what that would be like. I once had to send my dog to live with my parents for a few months and it nearly killed me.

I'm sure Susan has a lot of questions -- what kind of school Joey will attend, how he'll adjust, etc. And I'm sure she has questions about me. I'm not certain I could send my child to be step-mothered by a woman I've never met or know anything about. The first time Liam came to visit us for the summer, I had to drive to Wisconsin to meet his mother (though she didn't even speak to me).

So I'm thinking of sending Susan an e-mail to introduce myself, give her my phone number, and in general just start some sort of relationship with her. She's Joey's mother, after all, and always will be. I know I'll never replace her, and honestly I don't want to. But I think it would be in Joey's best interest if we kept all methods of communication open. I still plan to stay out of any controversial stuff that may arise, or anything that is strictly parental responsibility. I imagine myself sending her photos and little tidbits -- day to day stuff that moms like to know about. Hopefully we can even become friends.

What do you think? Is this a good idea, or should I just stay out of it?